It had been a week since we got the phone call that a family member was dying. No pressure, but if we wanted to see her on this side of heaven again, we needed to go see her, NOW. So, we went.
The big kids stayed with granny and papa, which was a grand adventure for them, and in fact, they didn't want to come home! Lily came with us and got to go on an airplane for the first time. She was a great traveler and only got fed up with the car ride when she was strapped into her seat.
We flew out of Tri-cities, to Atlanta, Georgia. Had lunch at the airport Chili's and caught our plane to Wichita. In Wichita we rented our car and drove the 65 miles south to Anthony, Kansas. A small two street town with 2 stop lights. I have been to smaller, believe it or not. I like Anthony with it's downtown and local restaurants, complimented by McDonald's and Pizza Hut. It's two small grocery stores where we miraculously found gluten free mixes, and it's local geography of "turn by the cotton gin and follow the dirt road around to our house."
Great Grandma Ellie was thrilled to see us and meet the newest member of the family, Liliana. Her fifth great-grandkid, and fourth great-granddaughter. Davy is the only boy! We hugged Grandma Lori as well, and were saddened to see how she has changed. The Lori of 6 years ago was in constant motion. Cooking, cleaning, mowing the yard, playing with the kids outside. Lori of 2 years ago, even after chemo, had many home cooked meals ready for us when we arrived, including a dessert for every meal. This Lori is dying. She spent her time talking to us. Though talking makes her tired and weak. She fussed that she couldn't cook for us. "That is okay," I said, "it's my turn."
I cooked and washed dishes for the three meals we were there, and loved doing it. Even without a dishwasher! I left leftovers in the refrigerator, and even made gluten free brownies for dessert. I was heartened to see Lori eat a little bit of brownie and ask for seconds. Something that actually peaked her appetite a bit.
We visited with their friends who stopped by. Their friends are always coming and going, which tells me that they are loved and not alone. I finally got to talk to Lori alone, and we discussed her situation and why hospice wasn't there yet. Because she is still holding out hope for one more chance of treatment. If that doesn't happen, hospice will come. She was open, blunt, honest about her situation. After all, she has had three years of living with cancer, this is not a surprise. Though she would love more life here, she is prepared for the life to come, and that is a comfort for all. I told her Davy was concerned about her and was calling her Grandma Lori. That is fitting. Sometimes family is adopted instead of born, and she definitely has been part of this family for over 30 years.
I realize, again, when talking to Lori, that we are kindred spirits. I can only say that of a few people in my life. We have never had the chance to be close, but given that chance, we would be. We understand the same language, we think the same way. She asks if I enjoy cooking, I say I do, she smiles, not just with her lips, but with her eyes. And I know without words, that she enjoys cooking as well. She enjoys making things beautiful and comfortable. That is what she has done for decades. She took care of her mother, Grandma Ellie's mother and Grandma Ellie. She has been the caregiver, and now she needs the care. But yet she continues. Even though she was tired and weak, she put away the dishes after I washed them. If I left the room, she was stirring around, doing her best to do this and that. To do what comes naturally to her, making a home.
She thanked us for coming. For coming when we did. She does not know how much longer she has or how much longer she will be able to talk. She was happy to hold Lily and see her be the sweet baby that she is. We talked of Lori's love for Kansas and how God truly brought them to the right place at the right time in their lives. Sometimes it seemed like a mistake, but God had a plan. A plan for treatment for her, a plan for friends who take care of them, and a plan to let her enjoy living in the open country that she loves so much. He is a good God who loves His children.
That afternoon I cried a little, thankful that we had come, after I had wavered at the idea. I stood on their patio, looking over the winter fields with cows, deer and some fog. The wind smelled of rain. Rain on good ground, a fragrance that cannot be sold for any price. It is precious. That smell of growing, of renewal. I have missed that since I moved away from our farm.
We said our goodbye's that night. Possibly the last goodbye on earth, and we knew that. But we will see each other again, whether on "this side of heaven or the other." We love you Lori and pray for you daily. For God to give you strength, relief from pain and peace like no other.
