what does the future hold?

On our road trip over the weekend, Hanna and I talked about a lot of different things. One of which was what I might think about doing after the kids are in school.

This could be five years down the road. If Davy is our last. Which at this point I don't know. I would like to have a couple of more kids. But am not sure at this point if we could handle it. But I know if God wills it, then He will also provide. Anyways, all my kids might not be in school for ten more years! Who knows!

So, I listed some things that I might like to do then. Go and get a master's degree. Possibly teach in a private school, or at college level if I got a master's degree. Have a home studio where I could make lots of messes and beautiful things. But the whole time I felt like I was kidding myself. When are these things ever going to happen. My kids will continue to keep me busy, and some days I can't even keep the kitchen clean, much less think about designing a new project. And going back to school, with little ones? Am I crazy? Can you imagine the stress? Or maybe it would be good, I just don't know.

I feel a lot of pressure from society. Go to work, do something "useful", get more education, do something from home, be more involved with your kids, be more involved in church, in activities, in a mom's group, with friends, etc. Why can't I just stay at home, being my kids' mom and enjoy it to the fullest. Even if that means never going back to school, or making a dime, can't it be okay? It is supposed to be, yet i feel like it is never enough. Someone is always implying that because they work, we have nothing in common. Or that because I'm not desperately looking forward to when my kids are in school that I am weird. Right now I'm just trying to live one day at a time. Deal with one discipline issue at a time. I have dreams, and I will hold on to them, but I'm not holding my breath. I have to live in the here also.